Turquoise Monster

Words are written
Words are spoken
Words are remembered

Words to instruct
Words to bind
Words to see
And words to blind

Words that please
Words that purge
Words that speak
Words that surge

Words of indecision
Words of description
Words of pure addiction
Words of infliction

And words of action

Words may seek
words may hide
Words may sow ideas to grow

Words as scaffold
Words as code
Words as decoration
Words as substance
and sublimation

Words create balm
Words create calm
Words create words
Words create worlds

Lets see,
See that girl
me
Running around,
Thinking she is climbing up when she’s falling down
doing too much stuff
With no time to sit and think
Or be
Watch her sink beneath
Shoulds and woulds and coulds
Drowning in potential
Being told it is essential – to choose
Knowing what ever she decides she’ll loose
So worried about what is the wrong and the right of it
So concerned to get there
Opting for the sensible
Driving for excellence
But it is a penance
An academic menace
Cutting in her soul
Severing control
The creative self no longer whole
Science on it’s own
Industrial pace
Scolar’s race
Faster and faster
No thoughts of course
But the rails laid before her

And then the metamorphosis
Disguised as derailment
Career shattered
A dark cocoon of failure, pain, fatigue…

The pace slowed
A pupa blind and crawling – souped
Pulped into components
What did it want?
What could it do?
Nothing much but to enjoy the ride
There is no longer a goal
A destination
Just a journey
And it has a beauty
Never to be supplanted
A simple happiness
A repair job of the mind
Job built around life
The dark carapace cracked by realisation
Of hope
That which inspires – teaches
Should be shared
Something of a dream
The pupa emerges neophyte once more
Awe at the world carved on my features
Two wings:
Science and Art
Unfold
I can never fly
But I can gluid
With endless wings
Sending my words and dreams and thoughts
Into the world.

I’m incredibly insipid
You’re mostly mundane
An Apathetic Archetype
To my depressingly inane

In a mediocre marriage
A relationship rut
You are no Adonis
And at best I am a slut

I’m grumpily engrating
You’re insomniac inspired
And somehow of each other
We never do grow tired!

Star stuff filtered through the cosmos
Star stuff smaller than dust
Hurtling away from explosive stella deaths

Star stuff heavy metal elements of choice
Star stuff light hydrogen and helium in plasma soup
Colliding, destroying, reforming
Different atoms to be
Diffusing out from red giant expansion
Layers of reaction
Different star mechanisms for different elements
Star stuff permeating the void
Drifting away from it’s crucible bed of origin

Star stuff amalgomated clouds, a nursery shroud
Nebulea of new star birth and planetary spheres
Spinning in eccentric concentric dance

One planet of star stuff
Still pummeled by larger bits of star dust
A planet like all made of star stuff
A planet were the inorganic began to replicate
A planet were star stuff became organic
Became something more, became organised into organisms

Star stuff alive
Star stuff crawling on beaches of star dust
With elements of stella origins making up the cellular core

Star stuff walk
Star stuff talk
Star stuff refines elements from stella explosions
Ands send a rocket to the stars
Star stuff has been watching the starts since it first became aware
Now it is time for star stuff to truelly see what is out there

Skeletal
Beauty defined
Seek completion in the hunger burns
Hating self
Reflection worse
Blazing the power of denial
Filling shrunken belly with water
Exercise to manic heights
Shin splints, lips split
Hidden and hiding
Hair lank but glossed bright
smoking the need away
Jitter, fidget, stare intense
Rearrange the room
Pick at a cushion
Weight and waiting
hurting inside
Self justifying
Self punishing
Self canabilizing
Giving you the right to live
And still that wish
Dying in the body by degrees
Eyes bright
As to you
Life becomes more complete

I want to be free but without loosing those who tethered
I want to be without pain but not without sensation
I want to achieve what I can see without killing what I can’t
I want to lose the fear of the dark without loosing empathy
I want to solidify my dreams without crystalising the nightmares
I want to seek the stories of me without fear of the adventure
I want to hear the words without fearing the truth
I want to loose control without the danger of life
I want to sing the heart without breaking the mind
I want to fear the sensible without being petrified
I want to scream to the hills without the echos within
I want to be me… without scaring you.

I am an orange ball
Bouncing up and down
Bright and glaring
Guiding others
Showing them how to sing
This song
An important song
I start by building them
Cell by cell
Until they are free
Then I feed them
So they grow
And learn

I am an orange ball
Sometimes they sing high
And sometimes low
Sometimes the note
Is broken
Cracked
But I keep going
A momentum
That pulses with love
One day
They will not need the ball
But shall sing life’s
Chorus on their own
Maybe they will remember
A little orange ball.

They killed the poem with over punctuation
Licking wounds with ticks and commers
Bullet wholes peppered the corpse
Fulle stops bleeding holes of stattico gun fire
They cut the flesh from it leaving a skeleton of stark meaning
Intracasies in a depth of deep meanings
It was sadly edited into a shallow grave

What of the sound that built the word?
What of the word that built the story?
What of the story that built the concept?
What of the concept that built the world?
What of the world that built the people?
What of the people who built the sound?

Just a girl broken, small
Just a girl smiling faintly
Just a girl tearful, restrained
Just a girl hurting
Just a girl no one on her own
Just a girl full of hate
Just a girl seeming insane
Just a girl on her own
Just a girl longing
Just a girl numbed by the shout
Just a girl locked within
Just a girl seeking
Just a girl in pain
Just a girl reduced to shadow
Just a girl frail ghost
Just a girl crying
Just a girl hiding from self
Just a girl on emotional overload